Washington, DC (AP)--America's First Family stepped forward this week with numerous press releases that they believe are long overdue. "After most major newspapers carried the story of our Thanksgiving reunion last week, our Secretary of Security finally authorized us to discuss multiple stories that we've been unable to previously," the President said in his weekly, "Meet the Press" conference. His announcement was met with a smattering of applause, which proved that the more the President talks, the more the American people listen. "We know that you have been starved for White House opinions on many things, and we're finally able to talk to you about the things that we care about. It's a good day for the Presidency, a good day for the First Family, and a good day for America."

Questions were numerous, and, uncharacteristically of a "Meet the Press" gathering, lasted over an hour and a half with Mr. and Mrs. President (the latter of which has recently been named the White House Spokesperson, a step which the White House hopes will add personability to media relations) trading off in answering questions.

One of the first questions to be asked was one that both Mr. and Mrs. President shared a chuckle over before answering. "Is it true," a reporter from Vermont asked, "That there has been an influx of internet blogging sites springing up throughout the state of Tennessee which offer criticisms to various members of the White House staff?"

"It seems like this question has been paramount on everyone's minds," the President admitted, "Since Nicole and I rarely watch television--which is where most of these rumors have cropped up--we didn't learn about them until we happened on one of these sites ourselves."

The site the President mentioned, which started out as a "fansite" for the First Family, had an unexpected jump in negative comments over a short period of time and quickly spread to debate forums and blogs all throughout the state.

"Being on one of these debate forums myself--under a pseudonym of course--it was really hard not to weigh in on the discussion with defenses of myself," the First Lady admitted, "But that's part of why America is such a great place to live--there are no inhibitions on what people can say. Criticisms are welcomed in my husband's administration, and I am as grateful for that as any other American is."

As to the actual sites, the President had only a few words to say: "With communication comes understanding. I'm confident as we are free to explain our true intentions to the American people--and the people of Tennessee--it will be easier for us to again work together. To that end, the First Lady and I are going to be visiting Tennessee next week, and we invite regular citizens to ask us anything they want--for three hours."

As questions progressed, the atmosphere in the Media Room at the White House seemed more relaxed than it has been in months. Channel 7, reporting several hours later, mentioned that they felt their questions had been addressed honestly. "Frankness has become a trademark of this Administration," said White House reporter E.O. Aberdeen, "Even the answers to political questions seem to be an extension of a family gathering in the living room. They relate to everyone--from the state representative to the North Carolina hillbilly."

On her private blog earlier today, Mrs. President invited readers to ask their own questions to the White House. "Mr. President and I and our children love going around the room and reading questions from our constituents. It makes us realize how important each person, and each issue, is." Next Wednesday at the next "Meet the Press" conference, reporters expect that one of their questions will be about a ratings spike which is sure to occur within the next few days.

"It's certainly good to have our President back," a woman was overheard saying at the DFW airport earlier today, and even the usually-skeptical media has to agree.~

A Thankful Reunion

 

Washington, DC (AP) -- While households across the nation are celebrating their Thankfulness this holiday season, the nation's capital has received its fair shair of thankfulness as America's favorite family has convened together there from across the globe. After a security breach (including the hiatus of their Chief of Security) has kept the White House from sharing too many details about a family that captured the Nation's hearts just under a year ago as they found eachother in surprising ways from opposite coasts, the Kocher children are finally sharing details of the Thanksgiving Reunion they held this weekend in the White House. Paparazzi followed the event closely, which Mrs. President, second daughter in the Kocher family, confesses was a bit unnerving at times. "It was hard enough to come up with the transportation plans for each of my siblings, who happened to be coming in from across the globe, without having to worry about photographers following me or my children. But it's good to know that the American people truly do care." Security Chief Daniel Kocher, the oldest of the Kocher children, adds that it seems like the brief period of silence has only seemed to whet the appetites of the President and First Lady's constituents. "Often people ask us if we understand how much it hurt the ratings of the Presidency when we were unable to share many things about how the Presidency was going, and we always have to respond that it hurt in more ways than just the ratings. We wanted to connect with the people. We wanted to share the excitement that was going on, and couldn't." Details have been leaked about the security breach which spanned almost four months, although even those have been sketchy. Tabloid newspapers have been reporting that not only did the Chief of Security warrant the situation serious enough to appoint himself the personal overseer of the impending investigation, but also traveled, along with another Kocher kid, Nathan, to an undisclosed location to help solve the problem. Mr. President himself has been asked numerous times to confirm reports regarding the breach, but each time he merely says that he is grateful that his Security Chief has finally decided to lift the gag order on the family. "It's good to be able to talk to the American People again," he said, "I appreciate so much that this family, and especially my wife's extended family, have been here for us. And that America has watched over us with their prayers. We look forward to continuing to serve you with the same fervor that we campaigned on."

It's been a good month for the White House. The adoption of the President and First Lady's 48th child coincided with the initial reports that Mr. President had won re-election in the White House by a landslide victory that shocked even his supporters. And now, this Thanksgiving, the family was finally all together again.

"The gathering gets larger every year," said a happy Connie Kocher, White House chef, on Thursday as she prepared to serve up the nontraditional holiday meal of italian food that the Kochers requested, "This year we have the new baby to be grateful for as well."

White House pilot Banjo was kept busy the entire week of Thanksgiving, trying to get travel arrangements ready for all of the family members who were planning to convene on the White House. In the months since we have heard from the Kocher family, it seems they have managed to become spread out across the nation, and, quoting White House flight attendant, sister Tira, "it's so good to realize that for the first time in months we're all back home."

"We wanted to make it special, something on a grander scale than we have ever attempted as a family before," First Lady Nicole said, "It has been a year since we found eachother. And now it's time that we take a few moments to rediscover the family that we had lost and found. We all worked together to make it even better than we had hoped for."

Part of that meant personalizing everyone's clothing, a project that the White House seamstress, Mac, undertook on her own. "I wanted it to be a surprise," Mac said Monday from her office in downtown Manhattan, where she designed similar dresses for the ladies and suits for the men, then had employees working around the clock on their completion. "And I think I have succeeded, because they all seem pleased with how everything turned out."

Younger sister Sally arranged the games for everyone, and a time of sharing memories. "I think we all teared up at that point," the President was quoted as having said in a cabinet meeting earlier today, "I feel like I'm a part of this family, even though I've only been introduced to it by marriage. I watch the bond that they all have, even though they are only able to see eachother so infrequently, and I am grateful that God has blessed my wife with such an amazing family, and, in turn, that those people have been an influence on my life."

Sister Sarah and her husband Chris almost didn't make it to the event, says Secretary of Security, brother Jay. "I was getting a little worried there at the end of this all," he said in a personal email to an AP correspondent, "Sarah and Chris, who have recently relocated to the midwest to help prepare the President and First Lady's home following their term limits, had an unexpected security issue come up, and almost weren't able to make it to the event. We all made sure that they and their son were there before any of us ate a single bite of Connie's good food!" Sarah herself admits to having been a little distraught over the situation. "I wanted to be here so badly, and I'm so grateful that it ended up working out."

More than just being together for the first time in months, and more than just finally being free to share with the American people all that was going on in their lives, the Kocher family was grateful to relive the memories. "We are all so important to one another, and in the day-to-day lives it can be so easy to get caught up in who we are individually instead of who we are corporately," the First Lady said in a toast following the lasagna supper, "Let's remember to be grateful for how each of us came to know eachother, for the miracle that we have become to one another, and for the fact that no matter what happens to us, we will always cherish the memories that we have built in this place, between these walls. God is good."

As each family lifted their glasses to that, the Nation looked on in their own thankfulness, glad to have their Presidential family back, and glad to see them together again. ~